Limerence: Difference between the condition and love, symptoms, treatment

Have you ever referred to a lovestruck friend as "lovesick"? It turns out that lovesickness has a scientific name—Limerence. But what exactly is Limerence, and why can it be unhealthy for us? To shed light on this phenomenon, Republic Digital interviewed Psychiatrist Dr. Nikunj S Gokani and Dr. Shilpi Saraswat, Clinical Psychologist at Sakra World Hospital.

2 things you need to know 

• It can lead to obsession and emotional turbulence.
• Seek self-awareness and support to manage limerence better.

What does 'limerence' mean?

Limerence is an intense and involuntary emotional state that is often characterised by infatuation, obsessive thoughts, and an overwhelming desire for reciprocation from someone, typically in a romantic context.

(Limerence refers to an intense and involuntary emotional state | Image: iStock) 

How is limerence different from love?

Dr. Nikunj explains, "Limerence differs from love in that it tends to be more obsessive and focused on the idealised image of the person, while love is a deeper, more stable emotional connection built on trust, respect, and understanding."

What are the signs of limerence?

Signs of limerence include constant thoughts about the person, heightened anxiety, daydreaming about a future with them, and an intense desire for their attention or affection. Some key signs to watch for:

Distracting Thoughts

Limerent individuals often become distracted from their daily tasks as they constantly think about the person they're infatuated with.

Idealising the Person

They tend to idealise the person, attributing qualities to them that may not necessarily be accurate.

Physical Symptoms

Intense limerence can manifest as physical symptoms, such as loss of appetite, sleep disturbances, and stress-related problems.

Obsession

The person becomes obsessed, checking their target's social media and other means to keep tabs on their activities.

Influence on Mood

Their mood is strongly influenced by the actions of the person they're infatuated with, perceiving these actions as acceptance or rejection.

Strong Desire

They yearn for reciprocation, placing tremendous importance on the validation of their emotions by the target person.

What are the various stages of limerence?

Dr. Shilpi Saraswat explains the stages of limerence:

Pre-Limerence and Crush

This is a phase where the limerent individual longs to fall in love but hasn't identified a specific person yet. They may become infatuated with someone who shows signs of reciprocation, even if the choice isn't carefully considered.

Pre-Reciprocity or Infatuation

In this phase, the intense desire for another person develops without clear reciprocation. Symptoms include increased anxiety, fear of rejection, and fantasising about a future with the person.

Reciprocity

Reality sets in, and frustration arises when it becomes clear that the person you're infatuated with may not feel the same way. Symptoms include disappointment, anxiety, and obsessive thoughts.

Resignation or Gradual Dissolution

Limerence naturally fades away, which can be challenging for both individuals involved. It can lead to arguments, blame, or even the end of the relationship. Alternatively, it can provide space for transitioning into a healthier form of love.

Post-Limerence

After limerence, some relationships can strengthen with open communication and collaboration. Others may break up, and the limerent individual may return to the pre-limerence stage, yearning for a new love.

How can one handle these intense feelings of limerence?

Dr Nikunj suggests that handling limerence involves self-awareness, setting boundaries, seeking support from friends or a therapist, and redirecting focus toward personal growth and hobbies to reduce obsession.

Understanding limerence and its various stages can help individuals navigate the complex emotions that come with intense infatuation, promoting healthier relationships and personal growth.