Two and a Half Men is a popular American sitcom. The comedy-drama series stars Charlie Sheen, Jon Cryer and Angus T Jones. Two and a Half Men revolves around Harper brothers including the self-indulgent jingle writer Charlie Harper, his brother Alan and Alan’s growing son Jake. Their life takes a turn when Alan’s wife divorces him and he moves to his brother’s Malibu apartment with Jake; therefore, adding more twists and complications to Charlie Harper’s easy-going life.
Here are some of Charlie Harper’s quotes to crack you up:
1. "Her high school graduation pictures are probably on a cave wall in France."
2. "No dogs in my house. Especially stolen dogs that are big enough to make me their b**ch."
3. "Alcohol is for people who can afford to lose some brain cells."
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4. "It seems like yesterday I could party all night and eat and drink anything I wanted to. Now, a couple of Red Bulls and a waffle and I'm sittin' in the emergency room, prayin' for a fart."
5. "You’ve been living here for a few weeks now, I assume you have blood in your stool."
6. "Just so we're clear, my car is cherry, so if you bang it, ding it, dent it, or even change the ass print in the seat, just keep driving till you get to Mexico, then bury yourself in the desert."
7. "The day you start accepting limitations is the day you start dying, and I am not dying, my friend. I am living life to the fullest. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go throw up and take a nap."
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8. Alan: "I feel sorry that your heart has become so hard and small, that you have lost the capacity to connect with another human being or any level any more meaningful, than the inebriated exchange of body fluids."
Charlie: "Boy, leave it to you to take a beautiful thing like drunken sex and make it sound dirty."
9. Alan: "Charlie, there’s a half-naked woman in the kitchen."
Charlie: "Which half?"
10. Alan: "Charlie, I need you to be my ears and eyes."
Charlie: "Okay, but you have to be my liver and prostate."
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